Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
