You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
