Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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