I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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