I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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