im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize