don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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