trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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