I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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