i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
