May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
