I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize