I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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