Small penises have feelings too.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
