I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
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