If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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