What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
