That's when you crack a 10am beer
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
