Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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