I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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