apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
