I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i drank out of a bidet.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
