atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
