Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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