plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
