And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
