grandma shit on top of the toilet
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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