Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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