Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
