I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
