Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
