i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
