he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
