Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
