i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
