im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
