I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
