considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
