Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
