I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
