What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
