remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
