dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
