I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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