I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
