Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Randomize
