it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
