I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
