I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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