last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
