Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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