my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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