keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
