just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
