She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
