and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
