I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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