I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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