I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
