Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
