party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
