the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
