my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
