i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
