remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
