last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize