i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize