apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
